“You’re pretty sexy without your glasses,” he commented happily, waving at him in the mirror again – this time with his foot. Lee smirked back at his lover. “And I’m pretty much blind,” he countered.
Keiran shrugged, patting the space beside him, saying: “Well then I guess you’ll jus’ hafta get closer to see my pretty face.”
Lee grinned at him but he shook his head, a definite no, as he tugged on pants over his boxers. Keiran huffed at him, snagging something from the nightstand and playing with it idly.
Lee grinned at him but he shook his head, a definite no, as he tugged on pants over his boxers. Keiran huffed at him, snagging something from the nightstand and playing with it idly.
“Lee?” Lee hmm-ed as he pulled a shirt on.
“You’re pretty weird, Lee,” he told him, rolling over onto his stomach and fiddling with the thing in his hands. “You laughed at me when I wanted to buy those bracelets th’other day, but you wear this thing,” he said, looking up, holding up the silver locket in his hands and letting it dangle from its chain. It swung back and forth, pendulous, the sun glinting off its embossed surface.
“Its pretty girly, Lee. All flowery and everything. You’re a bigger queer than I am,” he teased, swinging it around until Lee caught sight of the glint out of the corner of his eye and gasped quietly.
Lee looked at him, eyes wide with disbelief and something that Keir recognized as hurt. He stopped swinging it so much and sat up a little bit as Lee took the few steps towards their bed to snatch the item from him angrily.
Keiran held onto it, though, making a face – half-confused, half-teasing—and Lee stopped trying to pull it away when he realized he would break it. Keiran giggled and tugged it away from him.
“Why do you wear this? It’s pretty weird, Lee, you gotta admit. A necklace like this? It’s one of the gayest things I’ve ever seen!” Lee’s face fell as he stepped back and Keiran giggled again. Lee’s frown changed at Keiran’s continued teasing.
“Lee, seriously! You never take this thing off. Unless we’re fucking, but even th—”
“Keiran Jordan Baird! Give that to me now,” he said, voice low and threatening. “You do not touch my things. Do not ever presume to go through my personal things, you disrespectful brat. You have no right touching my things!” he scolded and Keiran released the locket when he saw the look in Lee’s eyes.
Lee stepped forward and he caught the locket on its descent and he clasped it close, brow furrowed. Keiran pouted and broke into tears, kicking Lee hard as the man turned to finish dressing.
“Fuck you too, Lee!” he shrieked, tossing a pillow at his retreating back. He watched him with a hiccup as the older man put the necklace on in front of the mirror and tucked it safely back into his shirt. Keir threw another pillow at him.
“You’re stupid, Lee. Stupid stupid stupid!” he threw at him as Lee returned for his glasses. Lee frowned at him.
“Don’t touch my things, Keiran. I mean it. Its rude and it’s a breach of my privacy. If I find you’ve touched anything else, you can resume sleeping in the guest room. Am I clear?” he asked.
Keiran gulped and nodded, hiccupping again.
“Okay! Lee, don’t be meeeeean!” he wailed, almost kicking out again before he caught himself. “I didn’t! I only touched that stupid necklace ‘cause it was jus’ sitting there! I don’t wanna sleep wifout you!” he cried.
Lee sighed, touching the locket through his shirt.
“Its not stupid, Keiran. Just don’t touch my things again. Alright?” he said. Keiran nodded, pouting accordingly.
“Fine. I won’t touch any of your stupid things ever again.”
…
As soon as Lee left for work, Keiran rummaged through his things. He knew Lee kept stuff in his nightstand and in his office, so he looked there first. The nightstand didn’t have much of interest – a photo album and a scrapbook of his university days as well as a number of official records and things. Diplomas and such. Nothing juicy.
The office proved a little more fruitful. He found a box of old toys and baby clothes and a box of pictures, some framed and some loose. There were random things – like an old camera and a bunch of ugly old blankets and stuff, but Keiran just pushed them aside until he found a pile of cards and letters.
There were three piles. One pile seemed to be official correspondence – after reading a few, Keir realized they were between the Dean of Medicine at the Strathroy Middlesex General Hospital where Lee worked, regarding his internship there while he was still in Med School. He set them aside – boring.
The second pile was a mix of letters between friends and Lee and what seemed to be an ex-boyfriend and Lee. He read a few of those, grinning at all the things he could hold over his older lover now before he ran out of letters to read and picked up the last pile.
They were all between Lee and an Amira St. James. The first were simple letters, exchanging pleasantries and well-wishes, always signed Ami or Amira, but as he read they more frequently were signed ‘mother’ or ‘mama’. He frowned, checking dates. As the years went, the letters got longer and more information was exchanged. Hadn’t they ever heard of the telephone? Keiran frowned, setting the letters down.
The years she wrote corresponded with the years Lee was in university – 1995 to 2007. Undergrad for four, Med School for eight. The last letter was dated April 6, 2007. Eight months before he’d met Lee. Not more than ten months ago now. She was in England, visiting family.
In the letter, she expressed her excitement for his upcoming graduation. She could still remember him at his undergrad graduation. How sweet he’d looked in his cap and gown. How many pictures she took. And could he remember the look on his father’s face when they called him up for that award? Keiran smiled faintly.
She signed it ‘with undying love and I’ll be home in a week, your mama’.
Keiran grunted as he packed them away again. She seemed sweet. He almost couldn’t wait to meet her – his own mother he hadn’t seen in eight years. She’d been one of those snotty, well-to-do bitches, like the housewives of Madison County. Only she was a housewife of Warwick County.
But Lee’s mother seemed lovely. From her letters, she sounded like she’d been a wonderful mother. He bet Lee enjoyed visiting her and his dad. He looked through a few family photos, smiling faintly. They all looked so happy, Lee and his sisters and brothers and his parents. He didn’t remember smiling in family pictures after he turned ten or eleven himself. He almost couldn’t wait to meet Lee’s family.
He decided to get out of the office, not wanting Lee to find him there and get upset with him again for going through his things when he came home from work. He returned everything to where it had been and he shut the door behind him, feeling a little guilty.
When Lee returned, he pestered him all evening with questions about his family and how many there were in his family and would he get to meet them soon? Lee wondered at his sudden curiosity but answered his questions dutifully until sometime after dinner when Keiran tugged the locket into sight and fingered its surface.
Lee frowned, automatically touching his fingers to the necklace, brow furrowing. Keiran smiled a little, kissing his jaw, squirming in his lap.
“When can I meet your parents, Lee?” he asked him. “When can I meet your mama?”
Lee nuzzled his soft hair. “You want to meet my mom?” he asked him quietly. Keiran nodded excitedly, murmuring a quiet ‘yes’. Lee sighed.
“Why don’t we go meet her tomorrow, then?” he suggested. Keiran grinned broadly, nodding. Lee tucked the locket back into his shirt and snuggled him close.
…
The next morning, sometime before noon, Lee trundled Keiran into his car and took him to the flower market, picking out a bouquet of carnations – her favourite, he promised. She’d love them. Keiran shifted nervously in the passenger seat the whole time, turning the dial on the radio at least a dozen times before Lee turned the radio off and patted his knee.
Keiran squirmed but fell quiet, looking out the window as they drove out past the little city’s limits. “Thought you said they lived in the city, Lee?” he asked quietly, looking up at his lover. Lee smiled faintly and Keiran resumed looking out the window.
“We’re not visiting her at home today, kiddo,” he said softly. Keir frowned but didn’t protest as they drove a while longer until Lee pulled up to the little Protestant cemetery outside the city’s limits. Keiran glanced at him.
“What are you doin’, Lee?” he asked. “Ick, your parents live near the cemetery? Creepy!” he declared as Lee slid out of the car. Keiran followed.
“Where’s the house, Lee?” he asked softly, kicking gravel as he glanced around. Lee started through the rows of stones and Keiran followed him. “I can see her from here,” he said quietly and Keiran grabbed his hand.
“Where, Lee? I don’t see anything!” he whined. Lee pointed to a row of gravestones a little ways off and Keiran frowned. “Lee, there’s nobody there. This isn’t funny!”
He pouted when Lee kept walking and he followed after him, passing row after row of stones until Lee stopped. “This isn’t funny, Lee! Your parents are waiting. These fucking dead people could have waited ‘til later, you know. I thought those flowers were for your mother! Lee!” he looked up and gave a quiet gasp of understanding when he saw the stone.
Amira ‘Ami’ Adelyn St. James.
From the letters.
Lee’s mother.
“Oh.”
He stepped aside, hand to his mouth as he watched Lee place the flowers over the stone. His lover’s gentle fingers brushed over the name on the stone and tenderly pushed some moss growing up the base off.
“Oh Lee,” Keiran whispered, taking a step away, feeling tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. Lee sighed as he stood, turning to look at Keiran, smiling faintly. Keiran propelled himself into his arms.
“Lee, oh, I didn’t know. I’m sorry,” he whispered. Lee rocked him in his arms for what seemed like a long time to Keiran, letting his lover hold him and run his fingers up and down his back, over his butt and then up to tangle possessively in his hair. He felt Lee crying softly against him and he clung to him, not sure what to say or do to comfort him but knowing he shouldn’t let go.
When Lee finally pulled away, it was with a shaky sigh. Keiran didn’t release his hold on his arm, pushing back into his arms for a tearful kiss before he let Lee wipe away the damp tracks that lined his face.
“When?” Keiran asked softly, stroking his cheek. Lee shrugged, nuzzling his hair.
“Ten months ago. April 12th,” he told him quietly. Keiran nodded sadly, brow furrowing. April 6th, 2007. With undying love and I’ll be home in a week.
“She missed my graduation,” Lee said quietly. “She was…she was in England with her sister, visiting. Her plane crashed,” he told him, frowning. “My graduation was the 14th. We went to her wake right after. And the funeral was the 16th.”
Keiran hiccupped. Such an important time in his lover’s life and his mother not only wasn’t there, but she had gone out tragically at the same time. Keiran kissed Lee’s jaw, stroking his fingers through his hair apologetically.
Lee released him to take the locket from within his shirt, slipping it off and offering it to Keiran. The younger man took it as if it was now a sacred item and held it close.
“It was her’s. She always wore it, no matter what. My dad got it for her the day I was born…he said it was so she could always carry me around with her. It’s engraved, on the back. Part of a John Keat’s poem: I could be martyr'd for my religion; Love is my religion
and I could die for that…I could die for you.’”
Keiran turned it over and read the inscription, nodding faintly. “She kept a picture of me in it and one of my dad. Eventually it grew into a family picture, of all her babies, and one of my dad. She’d always match her outfit to the necklace. I don’t think she went a day without it.”
Keiran frowned. “My dad gave it to me. At the funeral. He said it was mine since he got it for her because of me. They found it, on her…” he told him. Keiran nodded sadly and offered it back to Lee.
“My parents weren’t ever rich, Keir. We didn’t have a lot of money growing up. There were five of us and my parents and neither of them had university or college educations. It was their /dream/ that we would. My mom was so proud of me,” he whispered sadly. “She was there every step of the way, helping me buy groceries if I ran out of money, helping me pay rent. We wrote letters, ‘cause I couldn’t afford to eat, pay rent, tuition, books and pay a phone bill while going through school. It was twelve years, you know. Undergrad, then Med School. And I wanted so badly for her to see me graduate finally…”
Keiran hiccupped again and folded Lee into his arms, hugging him hard. Lee didn’t cry again, only held onto him clingingly. Keiran could feel the cold press of the silver locket on his neck as Lee hugged him. He sobbed a little himself, feeling useless and unsure.
“Lee? Lee, I’m sorry,” he wailed, about the fact that she was gone now, that she hadn’t seen him graduate. About teasing him the morning before. “Lee, I bet she’s so proud of you, so proud. She’s prolly lookin’ down from heaven or wherever good people like mommies go and sayin’: ‘I raised a good kid. He’s my favourite and I’ll always carry him with me, even wifout that locket. And I’m so proud o’him.’”
Lee smiled faintly against his shoulder, nodding. “And Lee? Lee, she loves you. And she’s prolly really happy you’re such a wonderful doctor, savin’ lives. And a wonderful lover, savin’ me,” he said with a nod. Lee nodded, hugging him tightly.
“Keir,” he breathed, tugging back a bit to show him the locket again. Keiran frowned as Lee opened it. Inside, there was a picture of Lee’s mother, a beautiful picture of her when she got married, her hair all done up, her veil atop her head. Keir smiled faintly and took the locket.
The other picture was one of Keiran, a recent one of him with a paintbrush in his hand, smirking vividly, paint streaked across his face. He hiccupped and looked up at Lee, and Lee smiled a bit and took the necklace back and put it on.
“Lee,” Keiran breathed. Lee kissed his temple.
“I know she’d love you, Keiran. She would have really loved you, like I do.” Keiran nodded, blinking back tears. Lee hugged him back against himself.
Keiran stroked gentle fingers through Lee’s short hair, kissing his jaw. He felt Lee relax into his touch and he smiled faintly, relieved. “You miss her, Lee?” he asked softly. Lee sighed, nodding at the question. Keiran kissed the bridge of his nose.
“Bet she misses you too,” he whispered. “Bet she misses you a lot. But Lee? You did pretty good, y’know. Wifout her. You did pretty good on your own, Lee.”
Lee smiled a little, hooking his lover closer with a sigh. Keiran hiccupped as Lee caught his lips against his.
“Thanks for coming, Keir,” he said quietly. Keiran squirmed against him, nodding. “I’m glad you wanted to meet her. I wish she was here to meet you for real, but I just know she’d love you, Keiran. I know it. And my dad’ll love you, too.”
Keiran smiled at him, nuzzling into him quite readily, letting Lee hug him to himself. “When can I meet your dad, Lee? And your family, Lee? When am I gonna meet them?”
Lee shrugged a little bit and Keiran followed him back to the warmth of the car, not pressing him. He turned the radio on low as Lee started for home.
“Lee?”
Lee hmm-ed softly.
“Lee, you’re pretty weird. But you know somethin’?” he asked, reaching across to touch Lee’s hand. Lee turned his hand up to catch Keiran’s in a gentle squeeze. “I love you. I could live for that. For you.”
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