The Time Series: [Lee and Keiran]
Part I: Any Time
Lee loved art shows. One of his friends had invited him out to a local artist’s gala and he gladly accepted the invitation. The art was nice—abstract and colourful—and there were people milling about everywhere. He had tried to find the artist for a while but couldn’t spot him anywhere.
His friend abandoned him and his efforts at one point to visit the long tables of food that had been set out. Lee stood, sipping a glass of white wine, looking at a rather impressive piece, when he heard an argument nearby. He looked up and watched the two men arguing – well, one man moreso than the other – for a few minutes until he tore his gaze away and continued through the gallery.
When he had refilled his wine, he returned to the painting he’d been examining earlier. He heard footsteps behind him and turned to his friend, wrinkling his nose at the napkin of food he offered him. “No thanks. Did you see this one? They’re all lovely,” he said quietly, “but this one…” he smiled at his friend. The other man shrugged a little bit.
“Its just a bunch of shapes and stuff, Lee. Its nothing special.” But Lee couldn’t quit looking at it, even when the other man abandoned him again to speak with some of the other guests. He just kept looking at it.
Eventually he moved away from the piece. He spotted the two men from earlier, the younger of the two being dragged through the gallery by the bigger man. He frowned, spotting a sketchpad in the man’s hands. Was he the artist, then? He watched them silently, sipping his wine, as the bigger of the two finally released him and muttered something to him – it sounded a lot like a threat to Lee.
The smaller man nodded and pushed his long bangs back and cowered a little, following the other man around until he finally gave him the slip and went through the gallery on his own. Lee watched him for a long time before he noted that the other man was deep in conversation and he headed after the young man.
He jumped when he sidled up beside him with a fresh glass of wine. “Hi,” Lee greeted, offering him the glass. The younger man shook his head, casting about quickly. “No, no thanks,” he murmured. He was standing at the piece that had caught Lee’s attention earlier, he noted with a small smile.
“Are you the artist?” he asked, motioning to the kid’s sketchbook. He quickly shook his head. “This garbage?” he said, hugging the book close as if he really didn’t think it was garbage—someone else’s words, obviously. “No, no, I’m not. Just an admirer. Why, you an agent?”
Lee shook his head. “Nah, I’m a doctor. And an avid art lover,” he assured him. “My name’s Lee,” he told him, holding out a hand. The young man held his out shakily and took Lee’s, smiling a very small, uncertain smile.
“Keiran,” he said quietly. “But most people I know call me Kinbaku,” he told Lee. At the face the older man made, he laughed softly. “It’s a type of artistic bondage,” he started to explain and Lee nodded faintly.
“I know. I’ll stick with Keiran, thanks,” he told him. Keiran shrugged a little bit. “Whatever. So, you came with that guy, the one with the dark hair? He’s back at the food table again,” he said quietly, not even looking in that direction. Lee looked across the room and nodded faintly.
“Yeah, my friend Thomas.” Lee looked at Keiran, eyes narrowing a little as his glasses slid down the bridge of his nose. “You’re with that guy?” he said, noting the makeup covering old and new bruises on the man’s face.
Keiran looked up and hurriedly turned his face so Lee couldn’t see the bruises he’d tried to cover up. “Yes. My boyfriend,” he said. “Mark.” He said the name with just the right amount of resentment that Lee picked up on immediately. He forced a small smile.
“He seems endearing,” he said, and Keiran snorted and took the glass from Lee’s hand and downed the wine in a few swigs. “Fuck off, its not any of your business,” he said in a hiss, and Lee nodded apologetically and held up a placating hand.
The man looked past Lee with a quiet curse and Lee looked back, seeing his boyfriend, Mark, had spotted him. He frowned.
“How do you feel about ice cream sundaes?” Lee asked and Keiran gave him a wistful look for a moment before his boyfriend had him by the upper arm and was tugging him away. Lee’s brow furrowed and he took a few quick steps after him.
“Wait,” he urged and Mark, quite a bit larger than Keiran and about the same size as Lee, turned on him. “Get the fuck away from him, you dirt,” he hissed, and Lee conceded. The exchange had given him enough time to slip his business card into Keiran’s hand and he nodded as he backed away.
“Any time,” he promised and Keiran looked at him, brow furrowed, as he was dragged off.
…
Mark ripped the card up when he caught him with it in their bedroom that night. “What the fuck were you doing talking to a freak like that anyways?” he asked and Keiran cowered, shrugging.
“He was nice. He was just a doctor, he didn’t want anything,” he said. Mark hit him as he hauled him up off the bed. “What the fuck you need to see a doctor for, retard?” he asked, and Keiran shrugged again and steeled himself against his smacks.
“I don’t know. Just in case,” he said quietly. Mark snorted and shoved him back down onto the bed. “Fuckin’ retard. You don’t need a goddamn doctor for anything,” he said, ripping the card up and scattering the pieces. Keiran didn’t react as he was pressed into the mattress – he was a vault of useless information and he’d already memorized the words on the card.
Lee St. James, PhD.
Strathroy Middlesex General Hospital
Office: Room 309
Phone number: (519) 786-9214
“Any time.”
Keiran didn’t even feel Mark’s hands or his cock or his heavy weight as he beat and fucked him. He didn’t need to. He imagined it was Lee, gentle touches, caressing him, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose as he entered him, slowly, lovingly. He felt Mark pull out and he sighed, seeing Lee. Mark hit him for looking dreamy.
“Fuck you, Kinbaku,” and Keiran nodded and closed his eyes, crying softly. “Any time,” he whispered as Mark shoved him out of the bed and he went back out to the couch to sleep.
He got himself off thinking of Lee’s hands on his body, Lee’s mouth on his cock. Mark heard him and came out of the bedroom to land a volley of warning swats to his backside, yelling at him to keep his hands to himself, he was to get off when Mark was good and ready to let him get off. Keiran cried himself to sleep, huddled under the throw blanket with the TV on low.
Fuck Mark. He was allowed his fantasies.
…
Lee didn’t hear from Keiran after that. Two weeks went by with nothing. Not that he’d /really/ expected to hear from him, but he had hoped. Something in the man intrigued him. And then, he showed up one day at his office.
Lee stood for a moment, simply smiling at him. Keiran frowned, uncertain of his welcome and Lee quickly stepped past him to shut the door behind him. Keiran sank gratefully into one of the chairs.
“Are you like a shrink or something?” he asked quietly and Lee shook his head as he settled on the desk, crossing his legs under him, pushing things aside. “No, I’m not. I’m a surgeon. And a general practitioner. I don’t do the mind,” he said with a smile.
Keiran nodded and he looked up at Lee with a look of clear determination. His face was covered in bruises, ones he hadn’t cared to hide. They were interlaid, yellow and blue and purple, new and old, faded and fresh.
Lee slid off the desk to stand with a quiet gasp.
“I want out,” Keir said softly.
Lee nodded and tugged him to his feet, forcing him to lift his shirt. As suspected, there were bruises there as well, and cigarette burns too. Some of the bruises were bigger, obviously made by the heel of a boot and not a fist and Lee easily checked him for any breaks. Luckily, nothing seemed broken although a rib felt cracked and when he pressed on it, Keiran winced.
“Can you leave now?” he asked him and Keiran shrugged a little bit.
“He’s gonna be gone until three today,” he said, and Lee glanced at the clock. Just past 1:30. His brow furrowed.
“I just need someone to be there, please, when I grab my things. I don’t have a lot,” Keiran explained and Lee nodded, making up his mind. He grabbed the keys to his SUV and ushered him out of the office, locking up.
“Where are you going to go?” he asked, showing him to the elevator and then out to the parking lot. Keiran shrugged.
“I dunno. Probably find a friend,” he said. Lee frowned but nodded, not pressing him. Why would he want to stay with you? he asked himself. He doesn’t know you.
Keiran was silent as Lee took him to his apartment. When he parked, Keiran looked at him, shaking his head. “I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t do this. Oh my God, he’s gonna find me. He’s gonna kill me. I can’t do this. Uh, uh, it was nice. Uhm, thanks for the lift home.” Lee watched as he scrambled out of the vehicle and he tried to follow after him but Keiran dashed for the apartment and Lee let him go.
…
It was another week before he heard from him again. This time it was a phone call at three in the morning and Lee woke, groggy and angry at being wakened – he had to be up for work in two hours!
“Lee?” There were tears in his voice.
“Keiran?” he asked, sitting up and coming awake almost immediately. “What’s the matter, where are you?” he asked, slipping out of bed to dress in the dark room.
“I’m at the apartment. I-I…I did something and Mark…he…he. I don’t know, Lee, I can see my bone, though and he’s gonna be back and he tried to fix it but it /hurts/ and I keep blackin’ out and I want out, I need out, please help me. I’m bleeding, Lee, I don’t feel well, please please help me.”
Lee cursed softly. “I’m on my way. I’m already in the car,” he said and he was opening the door to his SUV and starting it. “Keep talking, Keiran, can you get downstairs and out of the apartment in case he comes back?”
Keiran sputtered. “Yeah, yes. I can be outside,” he said and Lee told him to keep talking so Keiran sang for him, a song his mother used to sing when he was little. He was off-key and his voice shook but Lee kept talking to him and by the time he arrived at the apartment, he spotted Keiran on his cell by the doors, trying to move away from Mark.
Lee left the car running and got out, jogging over to them. Keiran had a bookbag packed, presumably what he could pack in that short time and Mark was manhandling him back towards the apartment. Keiran shrieked as he gripped his broken arm and Lee was on him in seconds, shoving the man back when he had released Keiran’s arm. Keiran sank to his knees, clutching a very tattered stuffed hedgehog and Lee glanced at him briefly, knowing he had to get him to the hospital.
Mark wasn’t one to take things lying down and he fought back, hard, but Lee won out in strength. He played rugby; he wasn’t weak. Mark spat at him as Lee moved to collect Keiran from the ground. Mark was cursing behind them as he led the frightened kid to the car and he couldn’t help himself. He chased after them, snatching the stuffed toy from Keiran and hurling it away after he tore its little smiling head off.
Keiran hiccupped and shuddered, collapsing against Lee and letting him take his weight as he sobbed. Lee got him in the car, careful of his arm, but Keiran was past caring now, and Lee forced Mark back, shoving him hard.
“You ever fucking come near him again, you goddamn asshole, and I will fucking destroy you,” he warned in low tones and Mark laughed bitterly. Lee feinted another blow and the man cowered away and Lee got in the car and drove.
Keiran didn’t protest as Lee led him into the hospital. He made a mild protest when the nurses prepped him for surgery and he screamed bloody murder when Lee went out of his sight, but once he was sedated, Lee subsided into a chair in the waiting room and waited. For once he was on that end and it felt weird to not be wielding the knife.
When Keiran came to in the hospital room, he panicked. Lee took his hand quickly and soothed him until the younger man settled into the blankets and nodded. He was hyped on fear and painkillers, disoriented and shaky. Lee helped him sit up.
“I-I feel really good about ice cream sundaes,” he whispered, and Lee nodded very faintly and got one of the nurses to prepare one. He sat with Keiran in silence. When the nurse returned, Keiran burst into tears and shook his head and she simply set it down on the bedside table and left. Lee stroked his thumb over Keiran’s wrist soothingly.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he whimpered. “Its so early and you were sleeping and I didn’t know who else to call and you said ‘any time’ and I didn’t know if that meant three in the morning too, but I had nobody else to call and my arm hurt and I c-couldn’t feel anything except pain and he left and said he’d be back but he never said what he was doin’ and so I packed and I called you and he k-k-killed Mrs. Tiggy Winkles,” he wailed.
Lee was at a loss. Keiran was sobbing again, huge gulping sobs, and Lee felt useless. He finally moved up into the little hospital bed with him and adjusted him into his arms and Keiran collapsed against him, sobbing hard. Lee’s hands went around his waist and ran soothing automatic circles over his lower back and butt until Keiran began to calm down a little. After a while, his sobbing subsided to sniffling and then finally he fell silent, swiping at his eyes.
Lee pulled back a bit to wipe his face with his long sleeve. It was past five now and he didn’t really want to be up and getting ready to start work. Keiran clung to him, refusing to be let go, and Lee hugged him sadly.
“Keiran, I need to work today,” he told him softly. “I’ll come visit you on my break and I’ll make sure you can contact me if you need me for anything, alright?”
Keiran nodded, shaking in his arms. “Lee, Lee, please, please don’t leave me here, please. I don’t want to be here alone tonight, I don’t have anybody else, please.”
Lee sighed and nodded. He pressed his lips to Keiran’s forehead and the younger man started into a fresh round of sobs, tears tracking his face as he pressed his forehead to Lee’s and rubbed against him desperately.
“Keep me, please, keep me, I’ll be good, I’ll do whatever you want, please, keep me, Lee,” he repeated over and over and Lee’s brow furrowed and he hugged him hard.
“We’ll figure this out, okay? I’ve got you right now, Keiran, it’s all gonna be okay,” he promised. He felt Keiran settle against him somewhat, though the young man continued to rub against him occasionally.
By the time he had soothed Keiran into sleep, he had to leave him. He shifted out from behind him and adjusted him into the sheets, tucking him in. He watched his sleeping face a moment longer before he finally scrawled a note, dumped the melted sundae, and left.
His note had his pager number, his cell phone, the office extension and ‘Any time’ scrawled at the bottom.
Part II: Night Time
The nights were the hardest for Keiran.
Lee had him released as soon as his shift was over that night. The man was sleepy, tearful and in pain and Lee set him up in the guest bedroom when he got him up into his apartment, bed piled with pillows and blankets, painkillers keeping him pleasantly buzzed. Keiran whined until Lee sat with him and when he had finally fallen asleep, he went to make himself supper.
By ten, he called it a night. Keiran was asleep when he checked on him. He took some time rummaging through his old things until he found a little stuffed toy for him, a rabbit with floppy ears that his mother had given him when he graduated his first year of med school, a few years before she died, and he clutched it tightly, breathing the memory before he quietly tucked the bunny into Keiran’s arms and smoothed his damp hair back. The young man shifted and whined in his sleep, collecting the rabbit close subconsciously, and Lee left him and went to bed.
…
He was up just after midnight, hearing Keiran throwing up in the bathroom. He knocked on the door and went in when Keiran moaned. “Are you okay, Keir?” he asked quietly. Keiran looked up at him, face streaked with tears and snot and he hiccupped.
“Please, I’ll be good, I’m sorry. I’ll s-stop throwing up, please don’t hit me, Lee!” he wailed. Lee quickly settled on the floor so he was eye-level with the younger man and Keiran recoiled from his hand and threw up again, loudly. “Sorry, I’m sorry!” he tried to calm himself but he only ended up throwing up again.
“I’m not going to hit you, Keiran. I’m not gonna hurt you, it’s alright. You’re safe with me,” he assured him in his quiet way and Keiran eventually came to him, burying himself in his arms. Lee flushed the toilet, wiped Keiran’s face and lifted him, carrying him back to bed where he got him settled once more. Keiran automatically grabbed for the stuffed rabbit and Lee smiled faintly.
“Go to sleep, Keiran,” he urged. “If you need anything, I’m in the next room over.” Keiran nodded, watching him leave in the darkness. He fell asleep again smelling the stuffed rabbit. He was no Mrs. Tiggy Winkles but he smelled good and he was cuddly.
…
Around three, Lee heard him moving around the apartment. He tiredly dragged himself up and went to see if he was all right. Keiran was standing in the kitchen, hugging the bunny to his chest with his good arm. He was staring out the window and Lee opened the fridge.
“Want a warm cup of milk?” he asked. He got no response but he took out the milk anyways and poured a cup. He added chocolate mix and stirred it, putting it in the microwave to heat up a bit. Keiran didn’t respond. Lee held out the glass to him and touched his arm. Keiran recoiled, awaking from his sleepwalking, and the cup went flying as he struggled valiantly against Lee.
When he realized what was happening, Lee was still holding onto him, trying to calm him. Keir squirmed away and rummaged through drawers until he found a wooden spoon and he handed it to Lee, shaking, before he dropped to the floor to wipe up the spilt milk with the hand towel. He was only making things worse and he sobbed and stood up.
“Well aren’t you going to beat me?” he asked. “I deserve to b-be! I’m an asshole. I hit you, Lee and I made a m-mess and I threw up earlier and I shoulda known not t-to stay in bed, I’m sorry, I’m gonna go to the couch, I forgot, I forgot, please don’t make me sleep on the floor, I /hurt/ so bad,” he whimpered and steeled himself for the first smack.
Lee dropped the spoon and collected him into his arms, shaking his head. He was disgusted and upset and he held Keiran tightly. “Keiran, sh, I’ve got you, shh,” he urged, and Keiran whined.
“I’m sorry. I know, I’m stupid. I forgot. It shouldn’t be that easy to forget, I don’t get t’sleep in a bed ‘less I’m fuckin’. I know, I’m sorry.” Lee’s brow furrowed and he hooked Keiran into his arms and lifted him, Keir’s arms going around his neck, his legs around his waist and he carried him to the guest bedroom. Keiran squirmed back onto it, looking up at Lee before he obediently started to remove his pants.
“Keiran!” he said, voice a little louder than he had meant, and Keir apologized again and worked at getting them off faster. Lee leaned down to stop him, shaking his head. “Enough. Go to sleep,” he said and Keiran’s eyes widened a little before he shifted up, lifting his shirt to expose his stomach. It was covered in ugly bruises and Lee shook his head at him.
“Sleep.”
Keiran pouted seductively. “But I can be good, Lee. You can do whatever you want. I don’t have a gag reflex,” he lied. “I have a tight ass,” he told him. “You can hurt me, its okay. You can do anything,” he said. Lee was walking out.
“Lee? Lee, I’m sorry!” he followed him. Lee shook his head, turning back to him. “I’ll be good. I’ll get the spoon. Or a hairbrush or a belt. We don’t have to have sex! I can be good for you, if you want to hit me. I can make you happy.”
Lee shook his head. “Enough. I’ve had enough. Go to sleep, Keiran, I am not sleeping with you or hurting you or /fucking/ you. I want you to /sleep/, nothing more.”
Keiran was confused and he started crying softly, gulping in deep breaths. Lee turned him and steered him back into bed, settling him in the warm comforter, piling pillows up. Keiran snuggled the rabbit, hiccupping as Lee rubbed his back soothingly. He listened to Keir’s quiet breathing for a while until he too fell asleep, curled up on one side of the bed.
Sometime in the night, Keiran shifted until he was curled on top of Lee’s chest, his whole body awkwardly stretched over him, his head under Lee’s chin, the rabbit squished between them. Lee could barely breathe.
He couldn’t remember ever having slept better.
…
The next few nights were roughly the same; he’d put Keiran to bed, he’d wake to find him sleepwalking or crying from a nightmare or packing his little bookbag of things to run away and he’d simply pull him back into the guest bed into his arms until they fell asleep heaped together, Keiran suffocating him with his closeness.
He continued to ask to pleasure him and he continued to offer to be punished when there was never a need for it and Lee continued to refuse either. Keiran would cry and pout and try everything but the only thing Lee caught onto was that it was just easier to start the night in bed together.
Keiran easily adjusted to sleeping in his bed, though he did wake a few times and move off the bed, apologizing and heading for the couch, and he did sleepwalk again and Lee found him in the kitchen again, but he would simply lead him back to bed and they’d sleep once more.
By the end of the first week, Keiran was a little more relaxed and began to understand what Lee wanted. The nights became easier. He began to understand a little of what being ‘safe’ really meant, curled up on top of Lee. He wouldn’t touch him, wouldn’t hit him.
He could get used to this. This was heavenly.
For the first time, he wasn’t afraid of night time.
Part III: Grocery time
Keiran whined the entire drive. By the time they reached the grocery store, Lee knew the ins and outs of /why/ exactly he hated grocery shopping. He still wasn’t going to turn around and take him home, however, so he only parked the SUV and got out.
“Lee, I don’t wanna go. I wanna go home. Why did I have to come? Why am I /heeeere/?” he whined. Lee ushered him towards the doors and handed him a basket when they were inside. Keiran swung it unhappily.
“Lee. Lee. This is stupid, Lee,” he whined. “I don’t /like/ doing groceries,” he said again, for the fortieth time. Lee sighed. “Do you like to eat Keiran?” he asked and Keiran pouted, shaking his head.
“No,” he said defiantly and Lee poked him in the ribs – Keiran was tiny, only standing around 110 currently. Lee was not pleased.
“Well too bad. I’m going to make you eat.”
Keiran huffed and dropped the basket and walked off. Lee picked it up and trailed after him. “Keiran, take the basket,” he ordered, handing it back to him. Keiran’s brow furrowed and he sniffled mockingly and broke into loud tears.
“You’re being /mean/! My arm’s broken and I don’t feel well and I don’t want to be heeeeere!” he wailed. Lee sighed, ignoring the looks they were receiving from those around them. He pushed the basket into Keiran’s hands. “You’ve got two arms. It’s been two weeks, Keiran. You are fully capable of carrying a basket. I am not going to stand for this. Either you help me or you can go wait in the car alone,” he warned.
Keiran pouted and took the basket and followed Lee. Lee led him through the produce, picking tons of fruits and vegetables. He always put the lighter ones in Keir’s basket and took the heavier things for himself. He picked out bread and milk and yogurt, cheese and crackers, meat.
Down one aisle, Keiran spotted cookies and automatically went to them, picking out three boxes of his favourites. Lee shook his head as he returned to his side.
“One box, Keir,” he told him. Keiran defensively moved the basket away from Lee’s hands.
“Leeeee. I want them. Why can’t I have them? What’s the matter with cookies?” he whined. Lee only shook his head. “Put two back, Keiran. I won’t ask again.”
Keiran watched him walk away for a moment before he started crying. Lee didn’t pay any attention to him, only kept walking. This was embarrassing. Keiran screamed, his tantrum escalating. Lee stopped to grab something off the shelf and Keiran lobbed one of the boxes of cookies at him, hitting him in the side of the head. A customer nearby gasped.
Lee looked up at Keiran and took the few steps back towards him. Keiran cowered but Lee only snatched the basket, took the two boxes out and replaced them on the shelf and pushed the basket back into his hands.
“Enough. Turn the waterworks off, Keiran. I am not going to stand for it. Pick up that box of cookies /now/.”
Keiran sniffled and balled his fists but he obediently went to pick up the box of cookies. He thought twice before he put them on the shelf, fairly certain Lee wouldn’t be buying him cookies now.
He followed after him. “Lee. Lee. Lee!”
Lee turned to look at him. “What?”
“Lee? Are you gonna beat me?” he asked.
Lee’s brow furrowed. Keiran shrank back.
“I’m sorry. I /am/. I know I shouldn’ta thrown something at you! I shouldn’t have! Please don’t hit me. I won’t ever do it again! I won’t, I won’t, I won’t!”
Lee stopped walking. “Keiran. I. Will. Not. Hit. You. Stop this, please. You know that. In the two weeks you’ve been with me, have I /once/ hit you, for anything?” he asked. Keiran sniffled and shook his head.
“N-no. But none of the others started out hittin’ me,” he whined. “They were all nice too, and then… and then they got mean! I don’t know w-what to think! You could be just like them, you could! I don’t know!”
Lee sighed. “Keiran. Look at me,” he said and Keir looked up at him, shaking.
“I won’t hit you. There is never a reason for me to hit you. Or punch you or kick you or /beat/ you. I am not those other guys, Keiran. I’m not like them at all.”
Keiran nodded a little bit, hiccupping. He was shaking a little and Lee was still looking at him expectantly. “Lee?” he asked, sounding small. Lee’s eyebrow rose and Keiran pranced from foot to foot before he dropped the basket and lunged at him.
Lee held him tightly, breathing a sigh into his hair. Keiran clung to him and sobbed and Lee didn’t care that there were customers all over staring at them with mixed concern and disgust. He simply held on tightly to the younger man and refused to let him go.
“We’re okay, Keiran, shh,” he urged, but Keiran wouldn’t be consoled. He kept wailing, the tears endless. Lee didn’t know what to do or what to say to stop them. Finally, Keiran began to calm a little. Lee turned his chin up and smiled at him and Keiran nodded faintly at the open honesty he found in Lee’s smile.
“Lee?” he murmured. Lee sighed, smoothing his hands over Keiran’s lower back. “I’ve never been okay before,” he said quietly. “Are you sure you want me?”
Lee pressed a kiss to Keiran’s temple briefly. “I really like you, Keiran,” he told him, sounding very certain of himself. “I do want you. I need you.”
Keiran nodded sadly and clung to him more tightly. Lee felt his tears staining his shirtfront and he tried to soothe him. Keiran hiccupped and looked up at him. “Leeee,” he whined. Lee’s brow furrowed. “You’re not like th’other guys,” he admitted.
“Nobody ever said before they need me.”
Lee pressed his forehead to Keiran’s and Keiran wound his good arm around his neck tightly, his body pressed against Lee’s. “I need to finish the groceries, Keiran. Lemme go, okay?” he purred. Keir nodded and reluctantly released his hold but he remained plastered to his side the rest of the time they were in the store.
Lee /needed/ him. He could be good for Lee.
Now all he had to do was get Lee to fuck him and maybe he’d want to keep him forever.
Part IV: Grocery time [part. 2]
Keiran followed Lee into the grocery store grouchily. “Were we not just here like two days ago?” he complained, accepting the basket from Lee. “Are you some kind of sick, twisted serial grocery store shopper? I don’t get it, Lee, why are we here again?”
Lee laughed softly. “I guess I’m not used to feeding two people, Keiran. I need to get lunch meat and some other things,” he told him. “You eat more than I thought you would,” he teased and Keiran blushed and looked away, following him.
“Jerk,” he muttered. Lee began collecting the things he needed but eventually he got a little carried away and collected more than he had come in for. Keiran trailed him, making faces when he got cheese curd and again when he got cream cheese. “This is gross. What else do you need? I can go get it?” he offered tentatively.
Lee nodded. “Okay. Yeah, please. Would you get me 200 grams of turkey breast shaved and anything you like, about the same, okay?” Keiran nodded and took off with his basket to the deli.
There was a line and Keiran impatiently grumbled to himself as he waited. He regretted volunteering for this now. He listened to the couple in front of him ordering meat and he looked past them to see what kinds there were in the counter. By the time the man ahead of him had finished his order, he had forgotten what Lee had asked him to get.
“Can I help whoever’s next?” the youth behind the counter asked, looking right at him. He gulped and shook his head. “Uh, no, not ready yet,” he said, letting the old lady behind him go ahead of him. How much had Lee wanted? Most people were getting a pound… was that what Lee had asked for? Half a pound? Shaved? Sliced? He couldn’t remember!
He felt a push from the next old lady in line and he jumped. “I don’t know!” he snarled at her and then felt bad so let her and the next couple go ahead of him. Lee had said get what he wanted, right? He was so lost.
By the time it was his turn again, he had held up the line for a good ten minutes and let six people ahead of him. He frowned and stepped up, deciding to just go for it.
“Uh, can I g-get a pound of chicken?” he asked. The youth rolled his eyes. “What /kind/ of chicken? We have like /six/ types.” Keiran made a face and the youth impatiently waited, drumming his fingers on the counter-top.
“Uhm, that one?” Keiran pointed out. The youth sighed dramatically. “/This/ one?” he asked him rudely, as if he was mocking him or speaking to someone a little slow. Keiran’s brow furrowed and he nodded. “Yes please. A pound. Shaved, please.”
The youth turned and started to shave up his meat and Keiran quickly tried to decide what else to get. He kept hearing the people behind him discussing what to get. Mock chicken, ham, turkey. Turkey! Shit, Lee had wanted turkey, not chicken!
“Uhm! Uh, guy who works here?” he said and the kid turned to look at him. “I changed my mind. I don’t want chicken. I want turkey!” he said. The kid looked at him and then huffily took the meat off the slicer and went to throw out the bunch he had shaved. “Fucking /retard/,” he mumbled under his breath as he went to get turkey out instead.
Keiran’s brow furrowed and he muttered back “I’m not a retard,” as he again tried to figure out what to get. He decided on mock chicken because it was all Mark had ever bought for him – it was the cheapest meat, Mark always told him. Because he wasn’t worth more than $0.95/100 grams. He hated it but he bet Lee didn’t want to spend more on him than that anyways.
“Can I get 200 grams of mock chicken?” he asked. The youth groaned.
“Anything /else/?” he asked. Keiran shook his head.
“No, jus’ that, please.”
He waited for the boy to finish, moving from foot to foot. He could hear him making snide comments behind the counter to the other employee working and he whined quietly, lifting his basket when the boy brought the meat over.
He ‘accidentally’ let it slip and fall as he was handing it to him and Keiran had to drop the basket to grab at it with his unbroken arm. He cursed softly as everything in his basket rolled out and away. The boy laughed and Keiran /knew/ he’d done it on purpose. He stood up with the meat in hand and whipped it as hard as he could at the young man with a shriek.
The kid laughed harder, shaking his head as he picked up the bag of meat and threw it out. “Fucking dumbass,” he said loudly and Keiran broke into tears and lobbed the second bag of meat at him.
“I’m NOT a dumbass!” he wailed, kicking the fallen groceries angrily. The youth just laughed at him as he cleaned up the mess of the slicer, ignoring his outburst. Lee came around the corner with the rest of the things he had needed, wondering what was taking Keiran so long.
He spotted him picking up the discarded groceries and he hurried over to him. What was it with grocery stores and this kid? He sank to his knees to help him and Keiran looked up at him, tearful and sniffling. He abandoned the groceries and pressed into his arms, ignoring the customers who wanted to buy their own lunchmeat and the fact that they were very much in the way.
“He c-called me a /retard/, Lee,” he wailed, burying close to the older man, sobbing. Lee hooked him close, nuzzling his hair as he soothed him down from his rapidly increasing hysterics and he got the whole story out of his lover and a few witnesses.
“Alright, Keiran. Shh. I’m here, it’s alright. He had no right to be so rude to you, okay? You’re right; he’s in the wrong. Doesn’t give you the right to throw things,” he reminded him and Keiran remembered the last grocery trip and frowned, crying a little again.
“It’s okay, Keiran. It’s okay. Come now. Stand up, sweetness.” He helped him to his feet and stood in line again with Keiran snugged close. Keiran wouldn’t look at the boy who’d served him, burying close to Lee. When it came time for their turn, Lee chastised the boy, quite civilly yet harshly, assured him that he would be reported to a manager and demanded an apology exchanged between the two.
Keiran snugged close to Lee sadly but managed a quiet “M’sorry. Shouldn’t have t-thrown that at you.”
The boy nodded a little bit, looking from Lee to Keiran. “Uh, uh, yeah. Yeah, it’s okay. I was rude. I shouldn’ta said those things to you. I’m sorry. I’m real sorry, mister,” he promised, and it sounded sincere. He looked back to Lee and gave an involuntary shudder.
“Thank you. Now, what did he order?” Lee asked, squeezing Keir close.
The youth hadn’t thought it could get any more humiliating, but to have to turn around and serve them now…he gulped, trying to remember.
“Uh, turkey. And mock chicken,” he said, going to get both of them out of the cooler. Lee squeezed Keiran gently.
“You wanted mock chicken?” he asked, stroking his side. Keiran nodded a bit as he watched the kid shave the turkey Lee asked for but when he started to open the mock chicken, Keiran made a face and buried into Lee.
“I don’t want it anymore,” he whined. “I don’t want meat, Lee. I can jus’ eat peanut butter sandwiches, that’s easier, that’s cheaper,” he said with a nod. Plus peanut butter tasted better than mock chicken, anyways.
Lee’s brow furrowed and he hugged him hard. “Alright. Uh, no mock chicken, thank you. You sure, Keiran? I don’t mind picking up something for you? Would you rather have ham or something? Maybe some roast beef or salami?” he asked. Keiran hiccupped and looked at them; too expensive. Lee would think he was greedy and ungrateful.
“Well, I’ll have some ham as well,” Lee decided, rubbing his back. Lee gave him the amount and kind and Keiran snuggled into him, waiting for it to be over. When Lee had all the things he had wanted, Keiran practically dragged him to the cash to pay for everything. Keir waited in the car while Lee reported the kid and he looked over the receipt for their groceries while he waited.
Lee had said he only wanted a few things – lunchmeat, some cheese and stuff. He had spent a lot of money, Keir noted with a frown. He wished he’d sucked it up and gotten the mock chicken; ham was expensive! And if Lee had bought it hoping he would eat it, he was sadly mistaken. Keiran hated ham.
He sighed and put the receipt back when he saw Lee come out of the store again and he settled back in the SUV with a frown. Lee patted his knee when he got in and Keiran looked at him with a pout.
“What?” he asked him. Keiran shrugged and sniffled.
“Keiran? What?” Lee asked again.
Keir sighed huffily, brow furrowing. “I woulda eaten the mock chicken,” he told him sadly. Lee frowned at him and snagged his wallet. “If you want it, I can go get it for you,” he told him, starting to open the car door. Keiran shook his head, pouting.
“I don’t want it!” he practically sobbed, crying again. “I /hate/ it, I hate it, Lee! I don’t want it,” he wailed. Lee tried to shush him, snuggling him across the middle seat and into his lap. Keiran cried hard into his shoulder.
“I’m not a retard, Lee, I’m not. I’m not stupid, I’m not dumb,” he whined. Lee nodded knowingly, snugging him tightly. “Lee? Lee, I don’t like mock chicken. But I woulda eaten it, if you wanted me to. I woulda been good and I woulda eaten it. I know I’m not worth more t-than that anyways, more than mock chicken. And you spent s-so much money on h-ham and Lee! Lee, I don’t like ham. I don’t like lunchmeat, Lee, I don’t know, I jus’ don’t like it and I on’y ever h-had mock chicken, Lee, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do!”
Lee’s brow furrowed at his outburst and he managed somehow to draw Keiran into his lap in the passenger seat, hugging him tightly to himself. Keiran clung to him, sobbing quietly, trying to listen to Lee’s soft voice telling him to breathe slowly, to calm down for him, to be his good boy.
He managed, after a while, to calm sufficiently so that Lee could pull him back and wipe his tears away with his sleeve. “Now what was all that about?” Lee asked him, nuzzling his hair. Keiran sniffled, shrugging a little bit at him as he forced himself to breathe in shakily.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know, Lee! I don’t know!” he panicked, pushing against Lee’s chest. Lee held him tightly, refusing to let him go.
“Lee?” he whispered after a few minutes of struggling. “Lee, I’m scared? I don’t know, Lee?” Lee released his hold on him somewhat but Keiran only scrambled more securely into his arms, clinging fast to him.
Lee let him, running circles down his back soothingly. Keiran played with the older man’s hair, tracing the short strands at the nape of his neck with a sigh.
“Mark didn’t love me,” he said quietly, almost a whisper, against Lee’s hair. Lee nodded sadly, hugging him. “I didn’t love him, neither, b-but I thought he loved me, you know? An’ he didn’t, Lee? He didn’t. He always bought me mock chicken. Even though I tol’ him I didn’t like it, Lee? Even though I tol’ him I didn’t want any. He said I could have that or nothin’, though. And I wanted peanut butter or somethin’ else, Lee, but he on’y bought me mock chicken.”
Lee nodded, listening sadly to his young lover. How had he gotten so messed up in things like that? How had he found assholes like Mark to hurt him like that?
“An’ Lee? Lee?” Keiran murmured. Lee turned his face up to him, kissing his jaw with a faint nod. “Lee, I bought p-peanut butter one time. A /big/ jar, Lee. A real big jar. I didn’t have lotsa money, Lee. I was s’posed to buy cigarettes or somethin’, for Mark, but I saw the peanut butter and I thought I could have it and he’d never know, right? Lee? I bought it, Lee? And he didn’t know, he didn’t know I did, Lee. But he got mad at me for not buyin’ the cigarettes, Lee. And I said ‘but its my money’, Lee? It was my money. It was from selling one of my pictures. It was my money.”
Lee nodded at this. Of course it was his money. He rubbed his back soothingly.
“An’ he punished me for not buyin’ his cigarettes an’ for bein’ rude, Lee. I was bad. He said I was bad, Lee, and I was a dumbass. I said I forgot, Lee, that I’d go get ‘em another time. But I didn’t forget, Lee. I didn’t. He hit me a lot. But I didn’t tell him, Lee. And when he went to work, I got a spoon and I hid under the bed and I ate peanut butter. And it was a real big jar, Lee. Ever’time he went to work, I had peanut butter. And Lee? Lee, he found it.”
Lee snugged him, nodding.
“He threw it out, Lee. Even though it was /mine/ and I bought it with my own money! He threw it out and he hit me and he said since I was so bad I could jus’ have nothing then, ‘cause I wasn’t worth nothin’ anyways. An’ he didn’t let me have nothin’ but water for two days, Lee. I was so hungry, Lee, and th’only thing he let me have was mock chicken after that, jus’ mock chicken and he said it was ‘cause that was what I was worth, Lee. I was a good fuck and I had a nice ass, Lee, and he liked hittin’ me and lettin’ his friends hit me and fuck me, too, but I wasn’t worth nothin’ more than fake chicken meat and he wouldn’ta kept me ‘cept I let him tell me that. Lee? I let him tell me that I wasn’t worth anythin’.”
Lee snuggled him close.
“I don’t like mock chicken, Lee? Can I have peanut butter?” he asked quietly, leaning into him. “I’ll be good, I will. I won’t make a mess, I’ll make sure I put it away when I’m done, Lee?” he sniffled.
“Keiran. You’re worth so much more than /anything/,” Lee breathed quietly, pressing kisses to Keiran’s hair. “So much more.”
Keiran sniffled, nodding at that. Lee smoothed his fingers possessively through his hair. “You’re /mine/, now, Keiran. You’re with me. You’re worth /everything/ to me. Everything, okay?”
Keiran snuggled into his chest, breathing out slowly. “Everything?” he asked quietly. Lee nodded. “Even a really big jar of peanut butter?” he asked with a whine. Lee chuckled. “Way more, Keiran. Way more,” he promised, kissing the top of his head. Keiran nodded and Lee deposited him in the passenger seat once more, kissing his forehead. “I’ll be back,” he assured him.
Keiran didn’t complain this time as Lee headed for the grocery store. So maybe he was a serial grocery store shopper. He thought he was worth a really big jar of peanut butter and more. And Keir couldn’t complain about that.
Part V: What time is it?
Keiran woke up to Lee’s alarm, shifting with a whine in the big bed and snuggling into the warm space Lee left behind. He hugged the floppy rabbit that had quickly replaced his stuffed hedgehog and looked up at Lee expectantly.
“I’ve got to go to work, Keiran,” Lee told him quietly, smoothing his hair back from his forehead. Keiran moved into his hand, pouting.
“What time is it, Lee?” he asked softly. Lee sat back down for a few moments longer with him, stroking his back soothingly as Keiran nestled into him.
“Its five-thirty, Keir,” he told him. “You should go back to sleep for a bit. I left you a list of things to do while I’m at work, okay? I set the alarm for nine; I expect you up by then.”
Keiran nodded a bit. “Okay, Lee. Okay. Its still sleeping-time,” he agreed, nuzzling his thigh as he allowed Lee’s hands to lull him back to sleep.
When Lee returned that night, Keiran was still in bed. He had awakened briefly to turn the alarm off and pee, but the bed was so inviting and he couldn’t resist curling back up for another few hours of sleeping-time. He had briefly thought of getting up again around 2 in the afternoon, but it was cold and Lee wasn’t there to snuggle with and he cried himself back to sleep.
Lee called for him when he came in and Keiran whined in his half-sleep and buried under the covers. He quite easily moved into Lee’s arms when the older man slid into bed beside him, whining.
“Keiran,” he greeted, kissing his temple. “You didn’t do anything I asked you to do,” he chastised. Keir pouted, looking at him briefly before he snuggled into his chest. “I was tired, Lee. It was sleeping-time all day,” he told him. “I tried to get up but I was scared all alone and I wanted you to come home, Lee!” he whined.
Lee hmmed softly, nuzzling his hair. “I see. So am I supposed to do all those chores now, then? After I just worked all day?” he asked him. Keiran shrugged, pout deepening. “I dunno. What time is it, Lee?” he asked. Lee glanced at the clock.
“Six o’clock,” he informed him. Keiran nodded a bit then and tugged Lee more securely into the blankets. “Then its cuddle-time, now, Lee. Not chore-time.” He nodded very seriously and Lee sighed, but cuddled up with him.
By seven, Lee got up to start dinner. Keiran trailed him into the kitchen, getting in the way more than anything until Lee asked him to set the table so he would get out from under his feet. Dinner was an easy affair and Keiran stuck near Lee all night while Lee finished the list of chores he had asked Keiran to do.
“Lee?” Keiran asked around nine-thirty once Lee had finally managed to sit down and relax for the night. “Lee, what time is it?” he asked, nuzzling into him. Lee sighed faintly, stroking his side.
“After nine,” he told him softly and Keiran chewed his bottom lip. “Is it bed-time?” he asked quietly. Lee shook his head as he snugged him into the arm of the couch and Keiran kissed him with a moan. “Well what time is it?” he asked.
“It’s time to relax, Keiran,” he told him. He was tired and wanted to just sit and do /nothing/ until bed. Keiran didn’t seem to approve of this plan. He squirmed against Lee, trying to find something fun to do while the older man read his stupid book. He finally pressed into his arms and Lee was forced to put the book aside.
“Lee, why is it relaxing-time? Why can’t it be something /fun/? I’ve been stuck at home all day! Lee? Why can’t it be ‘let’s-go-get-ice cream-time?’ Lee? Or ‘Lee’s-gonna-make-cookies-time’? Why can’t it be those times, Lee?” he asked, pouting.
Lee sighed, tugging him down into the couch with him, lying atop him. Keiran squealed and squirmed under him, shaking his head.
“No, Lee! I don’t like this time!” he wailed and Lee let him up sadly. Keiran looked at him, panicked, and realized Lee was saddened by his reaction. He climbed back into his lap, kissing his jaw.
“M’sorry, Lee. I’m sorry. You can do that, you can,” he said quietly, but Lee tugged him down on top of him instead. Keiran absently massaged Lee’s scalp and giggled at Lee’s moaning.
He moved his hands down lower to massage Lee’s chest and he was amazed as he worked his hands over the older man’s body to hear his breathing even out and feel him go limp under his sure hands.
Keiran snuggled down to listen to his quiet breathing and the sound of his heart beating hard in his chest and he sniffled, tracing his collarbone while Lee slept. Relaxing-time wasn’t so bad; it was like cuddle-time and sleeping-time all rolled into one except instead of him being cuddled or sleeping, it was Lee. It was nice to be needed like that.
It was ‘Lee-needed-him-time’, he decided. It sounded pretty appealing, to be honest. When Lee woke up a short while later and asked what time it was, Keiran only smiled and nestled closer, saying hopefully: “‘sex-with-keiran-time’?” and he giggled when Lee nipped his jaw and swatted his hip playfully.
“No, its ‘Keiran-needs-a-bath-before-bed-time’,” Lee informed him and Keiran squealed and took of for the bathroom. Bath-time was pretty good, too.
Part VI: Seduction time
Keiran was on a mission. He’d been living with Lee for over a month now and the older man still showed no interest in fucking him. Well, that was a lie. He definitely showed interest if his hard cock was any indication, but he showed no interest in /acting/ upon those urges.
And Keiran, quite frankly, wanted to be fucked. He had waited long enough. He wasn’t used to going so long without sex; at least with Mark, he was ensured sex at /least/ once a day. It may have been rough and he may not have always known the guys, but at least he’d had it.
Lee was being /too/ gentlemanly about everything. Keiran wasn’t used to it. He wanted him to just throw him down and fuck him into the mattress or beat him or /something/.
All his tactics had failed thus far. He’d begged. He’d gotten Lee worked up in every way imaginable, even when the older man was /sleeping/. But Lee wouldn’t bite. He snuck into the shower early one morning; he tried dripping ice cream on him and licking it off but Lee just kept brushing him off.
It was unfair. And he was sick and tired of it. He knew none of his methods were gonna work, so he decided to play by Lee’s rules.
He was home all day, as usual. Lee wouldn’t be home until 5:30, that’s what he had told him. He cleaned above and beyond what he normally would do – he even dusted the furniture. He scrounged up his money; it wasn’t much but it was sufficient for his means.
He walked because he knew he wouldn’t have enough for a cab. He knew where a florist was but it was expensive and he wasn’t sure he’d have enough to buy wine /and/ flowers so he went to the grocery store instead, picking up a bouquet of the nicest looking flowers – which weren’t very nice at all – and the most expensive wine they sold there. He had just enough, with ten cents to spare, and he spent that on a fancy candy from the bulk section, a cream-filled chocolate wrapped in red tin paper. He hummed as he headed for home, feeling pretty good about his plan.
Once home, he set up a vase with the flowers; they perked up nicely once in water. He set the table with a fancy tablecloth he had found in the linen closet and he put out placemats and fancy candleholders and the good china that Lee hadn’t used yet since he had been there.
He started cooking from a cookbook around 4, wanting everything ready for when Lee got home. He had wine cooling, chicken cooking, vegetables simmering on the stovetop. It smelled delicious! He was so proud of himself.
He started making the sauce to go with the chicken he was making and he had the radio up loud, his whisk flying as he danced about and sang. He forgot about the chicken until the oven caught fire and he turned and grabbed for something to put the flames out, knocking the pile of good china to the ground with a resounding crash.
He panicked, stepping in glass, forcing himself to ignore the fact that he was bleeding and making it so much worse as he put out the fire, turned the oven off and crumpled to the ground, sobbing.
It was ruined. The chicken was /black/. He dumped it in the garbage and limped away to get the broom, trailing blood. He swept up the good china, shattered into millions of pieces. Lee would kill him. He sobbed, trying to get his feet to stop bleeding as he cleaned out the oven and tidied the kitchen.
He didn’t know what to do. Lee was going to be home in half an hour! He paced – limped, really – the living room, thinking. He decided to make something he knew how to make and so he made macaroni and cheese with hotdogs instead and put that and the vegetables he had cooked on a plate and left it at the table, the chocolate wrapped in paper he had decorated for Lee, with crayon hearts and smiles. He lit the candles and wrote a quick note, laid out the wooden spoon and poured a glass of wine before he grabbed his shoes and his coat and disappeared out the door.
He hid outside the building, not sure where else to go. He hadn’t packed anything and he had written to Lee that he would be back in the note, so he found a place amongst the bushes alongside the apartment building and curled up to wait for the doctor’s return.
He saw the SUV and felt an immediate rush of calm come over him. Lee was home. He would know what to do. He’d eat his supper and he’d read the note and then he’d wait for Keiran to come home and he’d beat him and then maybe, /maybe/, he’d want to fuck him after seeing him all bruised and hurt.
It hadn’t been his plan – he had been hoping that Lee would be so taken with his romantic gesture that he’d just want to have sex with him – but this would do. It had always worked with Mark, anyways. Well, really it was the only way Mark had sex – fucking and beating came together for him. It was how he got his rocks off. Keir was used to it; it was familiar and known. And Lee was bigger than Mark – he probably hit and fucked harder.
He watched Lee go inside and he squirmed a bit and then dashed for the parked SUV, shimmying under it when he knew Lee had gone inside. He ducked his head to his arms and waited, trying to count down a significant time to return.
He hadn’t expected Lee to come out looking for him not five minutes later. He heard the older man speaking with someone on his cell and Keiran whined, hoping it wasn’t his policeman friend, Thomas. That guy hated him as much as he loved food.
He heard the door of the SUV open and he panicked, not wanting to be run over. He started crawling out on the opposite side, choking on dust and dirt from the road. He heard Lee close his cell and then heard his footsteps as the older man came around to the passenger side to collect him.
Keiran scrambled to his feet. “I was comin’ back, Lee! I wrote that in the note, Lee, I said ‘I’m gonna come back’. Please, please don’t hit me out here, inside? Inside, please? Did you eat your dinner? Did you—”
He squealed when Lee hooked him close for a hug. He resisted at first, not sure what to do, but when it became apparent that Lee was nowhere near ready to let him go, he relaxed a little and ventured to put his arms around his neck.
Keiran squirmed against the older man until Lee drew him into his side and ushered him inside the apartment building, taking him upstairs and inside. He locked the door behind them and drew Keiran to the bedroom. Keir glanced at the display in the dining room as he passed; the food was untouched, the candles had been put out. The note had been crumpled and the chocolate had been left where it was. The spoon was gone.
He sobbed as Lee led him to the bedroom. He glanced around for the wooden spoon, breath hitching, but Lee didn’t have it with him nor was it in immediate sight and Keir relaxed a little bit. Lee laid his hand on his back, under his shirt, and Kerian hiccupped and turned into his arms.
“Keiran,” Lee murmured, turning his face up to meet his gaze. Keiran sniffled and Lee caught his lips. “I want you to listen to me, okay? Look at me, Keiran.” Keir took in a deep, shuddering breath, nodding.
“You will /never/ run away like that again. No matter what you do, Keiran, I will always be here to deal with it. Understand? Nothing is so bad that you should feel the need to run away from me. Promise me.” Keiran gulped and nodded.
“I promise, Lee, I promise. I won’t ever run away again!” he announced, feeling Lee’s hands tighten around him.
“Okay. And Keiran,” he said quietly. Keir let him turn his chin up. “Are you listening?” he asked. “Because this you can’t ever forget,” he urged. Keiran nodded, eyes wide as he stared up at Lee.
“Keiran: I love you,” Lee promised and Keiran broke down into sobs, letting Lee usher him to the bed. He clung to the older man, sobbing and hiccupping, a mass of tears and murmurings. Lee hugged him tightly, trying to soothe him back from his mounting hysterics but Keiran couldn’t calm down.
“No-nobody afore Lee, nobody t-tol’ me that, nobody tol’ me that and m-meant it!” he wailed into his broad chest. Lee ran circles over his back soothingly, kissing his tears away before Keiran pressed his face to his chest and simply sobbed.
Nobody before had said that and meant it; he’d never seen the scalding truth of those words before but he’d seen it in Lee’s eyes and in the set of his mouth and the lines of his forehead and he /knew/ and it hurt so much, it was so scary and so exciting and so /different/.
He desperately rubbed against him, tears still tracking his cheeks, and Lee hooked him down into the sheets, replacing clothing with gentle hands and warm lips. Keiran moaned as Lee made his way from his lips to his toes, pressing kisses and nips and tracing the path with his tongue, memorizing Keiran’s lithe body, his hands running down his sides and over his slim hips to lift them invitingly.
Keir blushed as Lee returned to concentrate on certain areas – his inner thigh, his left hipbone, the instep of his foot, his collarbone. When he returned to his lips, Keiran was crying softly again and Lee ran his fingers through his hair and then brushed his tears away, kissing him deeply as he parted his legs and pressed one and then two fingers inside him, stretching him.
He wasn’t used to the invasion; he pressed back against his fingers with a loud moan. He was used to a quick, hard fuck; this was different. This was weird. But he’d fantasized about this.
He’d seen it enough times in his head to know not to be scared as Lee kissed him and inserted a third finger.
He knew not to worry as Lee parted his legs further, finally pressing into him, taking things slowly, carefully.
He knew enough to voice his delight as Lee took him slowly, gently, pushing his glasses up on the bridge of his nose so he could see him clearly, see the pleasure written across his face.
His hands were strong and gentle, his kisses biting and possessive but sweet. It wasn’t long before Keiran met his climax and Lee followed, tumbling them down into the sheets, sweat-slick and panting.
Keiran pressed into his arms with a whimper, letting Lee hold him fast against himself. Lee couldn’t stop touching him – his hands were all over his body. Keiran clung to him, sobbing quietly again but when Lee assured him that everything was alright, Keiran nodded against his chest, digging his nails in furrows down his back,
Of course it was alright.
Everything was okay. Lee didn’t have to tell him that. He could see it in his eyes; he could feel it in the man’s reassuring kisses, the calm strength of his shoulders and his arms around him; he could hear it in the beat of his heart as he snuggled into his chest with a shaky breath.
He /knew/. Everything was okay. Everything was okay because Lee was perfect and he made love to him and he didn’t beat him for breaking those dishes and he went after him when he ran away and he didn’t laugh at the grocery store flowers and the shitty meal and the crappy wine or the childishly wrapped chocolate he had bought him.
Everything was okay and would always be okay.
Lee loved him.
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