“No,” Keiran hissed, kicking out blindly at Lee who easily evaded the foot coming at him, catching his lover’s ankle and tugging gently so Keiran tumbled off the couch with a screech. Lee gave him a look and Keir huffed, kicking out one more time once he’d loosed his foot.
“No. I don’t see why I should haffa go, Lee. I’m not /crazy/, I’m not insane or anything. If you keep sayin’ that I’m none of those things, then you needa stop sayin’ I needa go t’therapy! I’m not going!”
Lee hauled him up off the floor – where he had spread himself miserably, writhing and whining – and stopped him mid-tantrum with a look. Keiran glared at him.
“Enough, Keiran. I set up an appointment for you with Dr. Adams for tomorrow afternoon and you will be going. I’m going to drop you off and I’ll pick you up afterwards, and I want no arguments, do you hear me? There are some things I don’t think I’m equipped to deal with, Keir, and I’d feel more secure having some outside help. You agreed to go if I found you a suitable therapist, remember?”
Keir pouted, flopping miserably on the couch. “Fine. Whatever, Lee,” he mumbled to the cushions. “I’ll go. I’ll go and I’ll be psycho-analyzed and when he says I’m crazy and I should be admitted and you do, I’ll never love you again!”
Lee sighed and settled on the couch where Keiran climbed into his lap unhesitatingly. He kissed his hair, running his hands down his back. “Be my good boy, Keir. You’re not crazy; he won’t say anything of the sort. Shh. You’ll like him, I’m sure. And I’ll pick you up afterwards and we’ll go have ice cream, okay?”
Keiran nodded, a little more enthusiastic at the mention of ice cream. “Okay, Lee,” he murmured into his shoulder. Lee smiled, patting his hip. “Good. Now go get ready for bed.”
…
Keir was fairly good about the therapy session the next morning. He only cried for some twenty minutes before Lee managed to bring him down from his hysterics. And he only made himself sick twice before Lee put an end to his dramatics with the threat of no ice cream afterwards.
After that, he was much more subdued; he ate his breakfast without complaint, showered and dressed and did his morning chores in a timely fashion and Lee only had to warn him once more before they left the house. He followed Lee out to the SUV and climbed in, fiddling with his seatbelt and opening and closing the glove compartment a few times to take out and pocket the little candies Lee kept there.
He looked at Lee beseechingly when they parked outside an old office building. Lee leaned across and kissed him, unbuckling him. “Come on, Keiran. Don’t want to be late,” he said softly, getting out. Keiran dragged himself out and clung to Lee; the secretary gave Lee a smile as they approached and Lee announced Keiran before she let him go straight through.
Keir looked to Lee, wide-eyed. “No. No. Come with me? Oh God, I don’t wanna. Please come with me?” he pleaded. Lee kissed his nose, patting his hip and Keiran practically melted into his arms.
“Dr. Adams is waiting,” the secretary – Anna, Lee noted – informed them a little impatiently. Keiran clung, eyes huge and tears forming. Lee sighed and whisked him away from the desk and through to the man’s office.
Dr. Adams was by no means a small man. He was nearly Lee’s size, heavy-set and dark featured. Keir gulped and stuck to Lee until his lover deposited him in a chair and stood aside. Keir glanced at him, nervous and frightened, and Lee offered him a reassuring smile.
“Keiran,” the doctor spoke. Keir hiccupped and tore his gaze away from his lover to look at the man. “Uh-huh?”
“I’m Dr. Adams, Keiran. It’s wonderful to meet you. Lee told me a few things about you but I’d love the opportunity to learn some more from you. If you’d feel more comfortable, Lee can go,” he assured him.
Keir nodded a bit but at the thought of Lee leaving, he cowered lower in the chair. “He can stay, he can stay, please don’t make him go?”
Lee, from his corner, frowned. “I’m staying, baby. Shh now.”
Keiran nodded, sniffling. Dr. Adams jotted a few things and Keiran leaned up a bit in his chair. “Whatchya writing?” he asked suspiciously. “Lee? He thinks I’m crazy already!” he wailed. Lee shushed him gently and Keiran fell silent, dejectedly. The doctor slid the page over to him – it was simply his name and the date at the top of the page, and Keir nodded, satisfied.
“So, Keiran. Tell me about yourself. Age, job, anything you like to do? Things you don’t like?”
Keir’s brow furrowed and he tugged on one of the buttons on the chair until it popped off. The therapist appeared not to notice but Lee murmured a quiet ‘Keiran’ until his lover tried to press the torn button back with a hiccup.
“Uh. I’m in school,” he said. “Again. University, though. Not like high school. I’m twenty-five. I like my puppy. And I like Lee. Uh. I like sex?” he whispered, looking to Lee with a blush. Lee smiled faintly. The doctor wrote. “I like to paint and draw and sculpt. And I like potatoes,” he added, nodding. “I don’t like you. Or this. Or onions or scary people or throwing up in general and I really don’t like scenes or sex toys or anything like that?”
Lee quietly slipped out the door.
“You like Lee, huh? Is he nice? He doesn’t do scenes with you?”
Keir frowned. “I love him,” he murmured, playing with the button again. “He never tried a scene with me. He’s nice. He likes me. He wouldn’t hurt me,” he said, sounding very sure of himself.
Dr. Adams jotted something and Keir frowned at him briefly before glancing at the button in his hands.
“So, Lee has never hurt you?” he asked. Keir shook his head, not sure where this was leading.
“Well that’s good to hear. Have previous lovers hurt you?” he asked. Keiran hiccupped and glared at the button. “Why do you care? You gonna press charges, huh?” he asked sarcastically and the doctor sat back, folding his hands.
“No, I was just wondering. Why don’t you like me?” he asked, and Keiran looked up, taken aback. “Just a moment ago, you listed me in your ‘dislikes’. You don’t know me, though. You already know you don’t like me?” he asked, an eyebrow lifting. Keir shrugged.
“Don’t like you,” he agreed. “You’re not like Lee; not nice like Lee.”
“Ah. So, is Lee the only person you like?” he asked him. Keiran shook his head a bit. “No. I like one of Lee’s friends. He’s nice, too. I didn’t like him at first ‘cause he’s a cop but he’s nice. Thomas is nice,” he nodded. “And I like my puppy.”
“Your puppy isn’t a person,” Dr. Adams informed him quietly and Keir looked a little affronted at that. “He’s my friend,” he muttered.
“Huh. Do you have any friends of your own?”
Keir shrugged. “Chester,” he said. “And Tom’s my friend. And Lee.”
The doctor nodded. “Who is Chester?”
“My puppy.”
The man smiled; apparently he was going to be adamant that his dog was his friend.
“So, what do you do in your free time?” Keiran’s brow furrowed. “Why? You wanna be my friend?” he asked, sounding disgusted at the thought. “Huh? I do stuff. With Lee. Or I do stuff on my own, why do you care? Why you asking so many questions? How come I can’t ask you shit?”
The doctor smiled faintly. “I’m just trying to paint a picture, Keiran,” he said. “You are allowed to ask me questions,” he assured him.
Keir shrugged, folding the button in his hand as he stood, pacing. “So. Dr. Adams. Where did you go to school?” he asked.
“Columbia.”
Keir pointed at the diploma on the wall, verifying it. “Major?”
“Psychology.”
“Huh. Family? Friends? Pets?” Keiran asked in rapid succession and the doctor answered them. Keir continued his interrogation for a while until it appeared the doctor was tiring of his questioning and he leaned against the desk, peering at the man.
“And how does that make you /feel/?”
“Keiran, I don’t think you’re being very productive now,” he said and Keiran’s brow furrowed.
“Would you say I’m being /counter-productive/?” he asked. The doctor nodded and Keiran moved to sit down again, this time in a different chair where he lovingly laid down his button and took out a candy, noisily unwrapping it and putting it in his mouth.
“This is counter-productive to my life,” he informed the doctor. “You see, I’m not crazy. Lee knows it. He just wants me to unnerstand that, you know. That’s why I’m here. He needed me to see I’m not crazy. And now I see I’m not. I think maybe /you/ might be,” he said, nodding.
“I’m gonna go. In,” he pretended to glance at his watch – something he never wore – “in right now. I’ma go. I’m gonna tell Lee you’re funny and you’re a nice guy and all but I don’t wanna be your friend and I don’t wanna see you again and I juss am gonna go get ice cream with Lee and you can be crazy alone, okay?” He stood up, taking the button with him and he moved to the desk to drop a candy on the pad of paper.
“You may as well shred that stuff, now. I’m not coming back,” he said. “Don’t take it personal or anything but if you push it, I’ll tell Lee you raped me.”
Dr. Adams frowned, pushing the candy away from him. “Excuse me?”
Keiran smiled faintly. “Lee’s not stupid but he’ll believe me over you any day. Especially if I make it look like a struggle,” he said, knocking sheets off the desk and kicking the chair over. The doctor stood and Keiran half-backed down at the sheer size of him but he gained his courage and gripped his own arms as tightly as he could, pinching the pale skin. The doctor stepped past his desk to pull his hands away from his arms.
“That’s enough now. Stop.”
Keir shrieked and kicked him, tearing away from him. “I knew you were a freak! Rapist!” he shrieked louder, knocking into the chair. Lee, outside, stood, moving to the door as Keiran barreled out of it.
“Lee, I wanna go!” he wailed, and Lee looked in the room, smoothing his ruffled lover’s shirt. “Sh now, enough,” he ordered and Keiran snuggled into his side.
“He was mean! He was mean he was mean he was mean he said I was crazy and you hated me and I was stupid and you should leave me and then he said he loved me and he tried to rape me!”
Lee sighed, hugging him tightly as he looked over his head and mouthed an ‘I’m sorry’ to the doctor. Dr. Adams shook his head and made a motion to Lee to call him and Lee waved briefly before he ushered Keiran outside. Anna looked flustered and Lee apologized as he led his wailing lover out to the SUV.
Once in the vehicle, Keiran was perfectly back to normal, finding another candy and lovingly petting the button he had taken. “Lee, I get ice cream now?” he asked, playing with the button. “Ice cream sundaes, big ones with brownies in ‘em, right? ‘Cause you love me and he was mean to me, he tried to hurt me like them other guys, Lee,” he informed him.
Lee nodded faintly, unsure how to deal with this. Keiran was happily humming beside him, sucking a caramel, his legs tucked under him. “Leeeee. I made a new friend,” he said, showing him the button as he drove. Lee folded his hand over Keiran’s and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Sh now, Keir,” he ordered and Keiran pouted, pulling his hand away.
“His name is Reynaldo. And he’s Italian. ‘Cause he’s made of Italian leather, get it? Hey Lee? That nice man had a painting in his office. It was a Rembrandt. Obviously a print, but still. It was very nice.”
Lee sighed. “I said quiet, Keiran. Shush now.”
Keir huffed and crossed his arms, snuggling the button. “Whatever, Lee. Be a jerk. I won’t let you fuck me tonight or the next night or ever if you keep bein’ mean.”
Lee parked the car outside of a Dairy Queen and Keiran smiled, already forgetting what he had been upset with Lee over as he went inside to get ice cream. Lee bought him what he wanted, paying as his younger lover raced the button over the cash childishly and asked for extra toppings.
He didn’t know what to do.
…
Keiran didn’t know what to do.
Lee had been getting more and more withdrawn after the therapy session. He’d go to work, come home and go online or call friends and Keir didn’t like it. He tried to pull him out of it the only way he knew how, offering sex and even setting up a scene for them just in case though he was scared shitless Lee would actually go through with it. When his lover had sent him to the kitchen while he tidied up any traces of it, he had been so relieved.
He trusted Lee. The older man made him feel safe, loved, wanted. But now, a few days later, standing facing the living room corner, he wasn’t sure what to think.
“Lee? I don’t understand?” he whined.
“Keiran, quiet. I want you to stand there, silently, and think a minute about what just happened today. Just close your mouth and think a while, please.”
Keir hiccupped and pressed his forehead to the wall. Lee settled on the arm of the couch, watching him, timing how long he was there.
Finally: “Keiran, come and see me, please,” he ordered.
The younger man fled the corner and found solace in Lee’s arms, pressing against him. “Lee, I don’t get it,” he whined.
Lee smoothed his hair back. “We’re going to try something, Keiran. I need you to listen to me, okay? And be open. This isn’t a scene; I will not hurt you and I am not doing this out of some misguided idea of pleasure, okay? I need you to trust me, baby.”
Keiran nodded and let Lee lead him to the table where he perched on the edge of his seat and looked at the pages in front of him.
“What is it?” he whined.
Lee kissed his hair. “Keiran, shh,” he urged. “This is just information, something I’ve been looking into the last little while. Something I think will help you,” he started. Keiran looked from the pages to his lover, brow furrowed.
“Keir, have you ever been punished?” he asked. Keiran nodded, shrugging. “Sure, lotsa times.”
Lee nodded. “Baby, I don’t mean the sort of things that Mark and his friends used to do to you. I mean a real punishment. A spanking or writing lines, things like that.”
Keir shook his head, playing with a hole in his pants. “Uh, no?”
Lee smiled, running his fingers through the man’s shaggy hair. “Okay. I want you to read through these with me, baby. I want you to read them and really take them in, please. Then we’ll talk about something.”
Keiran nodded and settled a little more to read the pages Lee had printed out. It took him a while, his face scrunched up distastefully and Lee had to explain a few things to him before he finished and looked to his lover.
“You think I’m bad?” he whined softly. Lee leaned forward and kissed his nose gently. “You misbehave, Keir. You’re not /bad/, baby. You act out sometimes.”
“And you think I needa be brought in line?” he asked, glancing at the sheets again. Lee smiled faintly at the miserable expression on his face.
“Yes, Keir.”
Keiran sighed. “Are you gonna spank me all the time then?” he asked quietly.
Lee shook his head and motioned his dejected lover into his arms. Keiran easily settled in his lap, hiccupping. “No, Keir. I am not going to spank you all the time now. Spankings are not the only form of punishment. I can have you stand in the corner like you just did for me. I can make you write lines, or do extra chores or take away privileges like television or the computer.”
Keiran nodded faintly. “What will you punish me for?” he asked, concerned.
Lee hummed softly. “Things like being late from work, swearing, not paying your bills on time. Hitting, kicking, anything like that. Directly disobeying me.”
Keiran hiccupped and pressed closer. “What about sex? Lee? I haffa have sex with you or you’ll beat me?” he asked, sounding small.
Lee scooped him closer. “Shh, no baby. You’re always allowed to decline sex. You know that, that’s not going to change. I will never make you do anything you don’t want to do. No scenes, baby. No scenes and I will never force you to have sex if you don’t want it.”
Keiran sighed, nodding. “Stuff gonna be the same, Lee? With you and me? It’s not all gonna be different and weird and if you can’t fix me, you’re not gonna get rid of me, right? When you find out you can’t fix me at all, you still gonna keep me?” he whispered sadly.
Lee hugged him close. “I love you, baby. I really love you. I’m not going to all of a sudden get rid of you. You’re mine, you got that? Mine. I think this will help us, Keir. If you don’t want this, I’m not going to do it. It’s up to you, baby. I need your consent before I do anything like this.”
Keir nodded and traced Lee’s collarbone quietly, thinking. “You think it’ll help, Lee? Make me better?” he asked quietly.
Lee kissed his hair, nodding. “I think so, Keiran. I think it’ll help us out.”
Keir hiccupped, hugging him tightly. “I love you, Lee. I love you a lot a lot a lot. And I trust you,” he informed him quietly. “You keep me forever and I’ll be good for you, okay? You help me be good for you? And you haffa keep me?”
Lee nodded, running his hands up and down his back soothingly. “Yes, Keiran. I am going to keep you, forever, little one. You’re my bunny rabbit. I’m keeping you. And you’ll be my good boy; I’ll help you.”
Keir sniffled and clung, nodding. “Yes. I wanna be good, Lee, for you. You help me. Yes. I do this for you.”
Lee nodded, kissing his hair as his lover clung to him and cried quietly.
…
Keiran clung to his lover and cried quietly. His ass stung and he couldn’t bring himself to sit down. He didn’t really want to be in Lee’s arms – the man had just spanked him! – but he couldn’t escape the stronger man’s grasp and so he gave in and sobbed.
He had gone to his next therapy session, this time without Lee. His lover had waited in the waiting room, reading a magazine, while Dr. Adams had drilled Keiran all over again with a new set of questions. He had quickly bored of it and had pulled a repeat interrogation of the man, pacing the office and looking over some of his things.
When the doctor had stood to tell him to sit back down, he had turned and lobbed a heavy textbook at the man. The doctor had evaded it fairly well but the edge had clipped his jaw and bloodied his lip. Keiran screamed at him to fuck himself before he dashed out the door and into his lover’s solid form.
“Lee! He tried to kill me!” he screamed. Lee had gripped his arm and turned him in the direction of the door, telling him to go sit in the SUV and wait for him. Keiran had fled while Lee checked on the therapist, got the truth from the man and apologized profusely. Dr. Adams was understanding – Keiran wasn’t his first impossible patient and he was still willing to have him back.
Lee had taken his lover home, ignoring his continued lies the whole way there. By the time they pulled into the driveway, Keiran was back to normal. He was not expecting the corner to greet him the moment he walked in the door and he balked at the treatment but at Lee’s order to be quiet and stand still, he quieted.
Lee had spanked him. It hadn’t been like a scene at all – Lee didn’t tell him anything sexy before he started spanking him and he didn’t get any pleasure out of it at all. Lee’s thighs under him were solid and uninviting and his hand falling on his ass had been strong and painful, frighteningly so. Lee had forced him up and into his arms after to comfort him and Keiran had subsided when he realized Lee was much too strong for him to escape.
“You h-hate me!” he wailed after he had calmed a little. Lee shook his head, shushing him as he snuggled him close. “I do not hate you, Keiran. Shh now. It’s over, you’re forgiven. You won’t be pulling a stunt like that again, now will you?” he asked. Keiran hiccupped and shook his head.
“Noooo! I’m good, I’m a good baby, I’m gonna be good!” he sobbed. Lee nodded, rubbing his back in soothing circles. “Sh. It’s okay. I’m not mad, baby. You’re forgiven and you’re going to be my good boy now,” he agreed. Keiran clung.
“Leeeee! I’m never gonna be bad again, you never haffa spank me again, I’m good! I’m good forever!” he wailed as Lee rocked him carefully. “Shh, I know. I know, baby. Calm down now.”
Lee held him until Keiran calmed again and he rocked him soothingly, kissing his tear-stained face as Keiran hiccupped and sniffled in his arms.
“Alright. It’s over now. I want you to listen to me, Keiran; are you listening?” Keir nodded and pressed close. Lee hugged him obediently. “Shh, my boy. You’re going to go back to Dr. Adams tomorrow, no shh,” he urged as Keiran balked at the thought. “You’re going to go back and apologize to him, okay? And we’ll find you a new therapist and you /will/ listen to him or her. Okay? Trust me, Keiran,” he urged. Keir nodded and pressed back into his arms.
“I don’t wanna,” he whined. Lee nipped his earlobe. “Sh. It’ll be okay; you’ll be good for me, Keiran. It’ll be okay.”
Keir shrugged but found himself nodding as he snuggled his older lover. “I don’t wanna go,” he said again and Lee kissed his jaw. “You will, though,” he informed him and Keiran nodded, sniffling sadly.
“Because I’m a good boy?” he questioned and Lee smiled, nodding. “Yeah, baby. Because you’re my good boy, bunny rabbit. Because you’re my good little boy.”
Keiran snuggled into his arms, mumbling that his butt hurt as Lee soothed him quietly. He wasn’t bad; he misbehaved. And he wasn’t crazy; he just needed a little extra help here and there. And as long as Lee still wanted him, he’d go along with this silly discipline thing. He could be good, even if it hurt him now and then.
But he had to admit: it did feel good to hear Lee’s quiet assurances as he settled in his arms. Even though his ass stung and his head hurt from crying, it was nice to know he was still loved and wanted. Even if he was kind of crazy and he was pretty bad a lot of the time, Lee still kept him and he had a feeling that the discipline was all going to play a part in that. And even if it hurt, he was willing to do it so Lee would see how much he loved him and needed him and would keep him forever.
He smiled deviously in his half-sleep, snuggling closer with a hiccup and a yawn.
Lee was so clueless. Keir had him all figured out.
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