Wedding Day Jitters

“Ben?” Eli shakily leaned in the doorway of the little room, breathing a little heavy. Ben looked up into the mirror, seeing Eli in the reflection and he smiled a little bit at the sight of him. He looked resplendent in his tuxedo; the fit was perfect and the colour suited him. He looked simply amazing.

But there was nothing in his face that showed he felt the same way. Ben turned from the mirror and his cufflinks to take the few short steps to his lover in the doorway. Eli’s brow furrowed.

“You look beautiful,” Ben purred, nuzzling his jaw. “Isn’t there some sort of rule that I’m not supposed to see you until you walk down the aisle?” he asked as he collected him close. Eli sighed shakily and nuzzled him back.

“Ben, I’m so nervous,” he admitted, holding up a hand to show Ben how badly he was shaking. Ben kissed his nose, catching and giving his hand a gentle, reassuring squeeze. He pushed Eli’s stubborn curls back off his forehead, nuzzling him again.

“I’m nervous, too, kiddo,” he admitted, kissing him. “Butterflies,” he said, smiling slightly. Eli shook his head at that and leaned heavily into him. “Not butterflies for me, Ben. Elephants getting drunk and crashin’ around in there. I feel bad. I feel sick,” he whined.

Ben closed the door to the little room and pulled Eli towards the window seat. Eli sobbed as he settled in the spread-v of Ben’s legs, pressing into his chest. “Scared,” Eli whispered. “Lee and Keiran came to s-see me in my room,” he mumbled.

Ben’s brow furrowed, rubbing his back gently.

“Ben, you sure you wanna go through with this?” he asked quietly, swallowing as he looked up, eyes brimming. “K-Keiran said that…that fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, Ben. What if we get married and then you realize you don’t love me or we get in a fight and you wanna leave me? Wouldn’t it be b-better if we just stayed engaged forever? T-then we never really have a official commitment…”

Ben laughed softly and Eli pushed him half-heartedly in the chest. “Don’t laugh, Ben!” he whined, pressing back into the comfort of his embrace.

Ben kissed his hair, sighing sadly. “Elijah, my boy.” He felt his lover shift in his lap, his arms going clingingly around his neck. “I’m certain. Never been more sure of anything,” he whispered, feeling Eli’s chest rising and falling against his.

“Sure?” Eli asked quietly.

“Positive, Eli. Absolutely positive,” he promised. “I’ll always want you, Eli. Always. You’re mine, remember?”

Eli nodded, sniffling. “Ben,” he sighed, fiddling with the ring on his finger. Ben caught his hand and brought it to his mouth to kiss his palm. “Ben, I love you,” he whispered. Ben nodded knowingly.

“Eli,” he crooned. “This is the foundation I want to build my life on. You. Us. Everything we have and everything we’re building together. I’ve known it for a long time, Eli. You are everything I want; I couldn’t be happy without you by my side. I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want you. As much as I need you.”

Eli’s brow furrowed and his nose wrinkled and he whined, pressing his face to Ben’s shoulder. “I’m still nervous,” he admitted shakily. Ben chuckled, rubbing his back soothingly. Eli’s breathing started to slow a little.

Softly and slowly, Ben began to sing. It was quiet at first but he grew louder as he sang. “I like the feel of your name on my lips, I like the sound of your sweet, gentle kiss,”  he crooned, kissing Eli’s lips gently when he looked up at him. “The way your fingers run through my hair and how your scent lingers even when you’re not there. I like the way your eyes dance when you laugh and how you enjoy your two-hour baths.”

Eli felt his eyes welling again, but this time they were happy tears and he felt his nerves dissipate. “But I love the way you love me, strong and wild, slow and easy, heart and soul, so completely. I love the way you love me.”

Eli was nodding, running gentle fingers through Ben’s hair, tears falling freely. “And I like the innocent way that you cry at old sappy movies you’ve seen hundreds of times…and I could list a million things that I love to like about you,” he sang, stopping for a thorough kiss that left Eli breathless.

“But they all come down to one reason…I could never live without you.”

Eli bit his lip, pressing his forehead to Ben’s, nuzzling his cheek. His salty tears managed to find their way into the little kisses he kept pressing to Ben’s lips but he didn’t mind. Ben sighed happily.

“I love you. I love you and I want to be with you Ben, even if most marriages end in divorce and I’m bad all the time and Keiran is stupid and even if half of all marriages end in divorce, that’s not gay marriages and that’s not gonna be us, right Ben, cause I love you and you love me and you make me so happy, Ben, so happy I could just die of happiness!” he blurted, snuggling back into his chest.

Ben hugged him tightly, smoothing his stubborn curls soothingly. Eli sobbed into his shoulder, clinging to him.

“Ben, it's still yes, it is, I’m sorry. I was just scared and I just want to be sure, Ben, that’s all,” he wailed. Ben felt his tears on his shirt and he tugged his lover back and kissed his tears away, smudging the damp tracks off his cheeks. Eli hiccupped and pressed back against him for a salty kiss.

“Couldn’t live without you,” Ben promised him softly, smoothing his hand over his cheek. Eli nodded, slipping out of his lap finally. Ben stood with him.

“I better go, Ben. I gotta go. I gotta get ready. You gotta get dressed still. I needa clean my face, I look ridiculous!” Ben watched him as he went from the window seat to the door and then back to the mirror, looking frazzled and unsure until Ben stepped towards him and caught him close and kissed him.

Eli moaned quietly.

“Go wash up, Eli. You’ve got less than twenty minutes and the ceremony’s gonna start,” Ben told him. Eli nodded, taking an extra moment to stroke the length of the scar down Ben’s nose with a sigh before he kissed him again.

“I love you,” he whispered. Ben kissed him one last time and Eli announced quietly that he was no longer nervous before he disappeared out the door. Ben returned to his cufflinks, wondering how he was going to dry the tears from his shirt.

Eli was such a pain in the butt. And he wouldn’t want it any other way.