Reconnecting

Daniel called sometime the week after Christmas. Lee and Keiran had come and gone with the New Year, Ben was close to getting his arm cast off in a week or so and Eli had gone back to work, with explicit instructions not to remove the ring for any reason.

Christmas had been strange—Daniel had hardly spoken to anybody except Mrs. Stone while they had visited, hiding away with her in the kitchen while she cooked, clinging to her on the couch when they exchanged gifts.

He had been pouty and quiet and when Ben tried to speak with him, he had evaded any questions and pulled an Eli—locking himself in the bathroom. By the time Ben and Eli had left, he and Daniel had hardly spoken to each other, and his parents, although saddened to see that they still weren’t getting along, chalked it up to Daniel being sick.

Eli tried to make light of it on the way back to their house, joking that it had been nice to see Daniel for once when he had nothing bad to say about their relationship, but Ben didn’t find it funny. He had called him when they got home, but only reached the machine. In the days that followed, he called at least four times, leaving messages each time.

Daniel never answered them.

Finally, a few days after Lee and Keiran had gone home, with Eli at work, the phone rang. Ben hooked it between his shoulder and ear, trying to make himself lunch as he answered it. “Hello?”

“Ben?”

Ben turned the stove off and stepped out of the kitchen. “Daniel? Hi, what’s up? Did you get my messages?”

Ben heard his brother’s whine, though he tried to conceal it. “Can you come over, Ben? I don’t feel well,” he admitted, and Ben was already moving towards the door.

“Yeah, Daniel, I’ll be over in a few, okay? Lemme call Eli and let him know, okay?” He heard Daniel’s stuttered “o-okay,” and he hung up and called, first a cab, and then Eli. Although his lover wasn’t pleased that Ben was going to be taking a cab by himself to his brother’s house, he knew he couldn’t say no and he promised to come pick him up there after work.

The cab showed up shortly after he was off the phone with Eli and he pulled into the apartment complex where his brother lived about ten minutes later. He paid the cab driver and Daniel buzzed him in. It was only the second time he’d been to the apartment, and the first time had been years ago when Daniel had first started renting the place, before he met Eli. Back when they were still somewhat civil towards each other.

The door was unlocked and Ben knocked but didn’t wait for the younger man to come to the door. He went in, kicking his shoes off and was halfway through taking his coat off when Daniel started towards him shakily. He had been crying and he hesitated a moment before he came and buried himself in Ben’s arms with a sob.

Ben ushered him towards the living room, noting the mess of the place, and he tugged his brother down on the couch with him. Daniel seemed to forget that Ben was still in cast and his ribs hadn’t healed fully and he clung to him, moving under his broken arm. Ben closed his eyes, running his good hand down his back gently, murmuring nonsense words to him.

“Ben, I’m scared,” Daniel whimpered, looking up at him. Ben frowned, nodded and wiped his tears with his thumb. “I’m so scared.” Ben hugged him back against him and Daniel wound his arms around his neck, face pressed to Ben’s shoulder. Ben rubbed his back, listening to his uneven breathing, his quiet hiccupping, for a few long minutes.

Finally, Daniel spoke again. “Ben? Remember when…we were little and my friend pushed you outta the tree in the backyard and you broke your arm and had to go to the hospital and they made you stay the night because you had passed out and they were scared you had a concussion? And dad stayed with you all night because you cried when mom said we had to go home?”

Ben laughed softly, nodding. “Yeah, Danny. I remember.”

Daniel pouted, chewing his bottom lip. “I don’t think mom’s gonna stay with me in the hospital, Ben. I’m not little anymore, and if she wasn’t gonna stay with you then, why would she stay with me now? And I don’t wanna stay there alone, Ben. If you’re sick, you’ve got Eli…and mom and dad have each other. But I-I-I’m alone,” he hiccupped.

Ben hooked him close when he tried to move away. “Shh, Dan. Come on, settle down, okay?” Daniel struggled uselessly before he collapsed back in Ben’s grasp and he gave out a little strangled sob.

“Ben, I don’t wanna be alone,” he admitted, and buried his face in his brother’s shoulder. “I want mom to stay with me in the hospital when I go in for treatment and I want her to take me home after and put me in bed and make sure I’m okay. I’ve never done something like this, Ben! I’ve never been sick.”

Ben rubbed his lower back soothingly, listening to his brother with a sympathetic frown. Dan wriggled in his arms, shivering, and Ben hugged him tightly. “Do you know what it is now, Danny?” he asked him, fingers dancing up his spine. Daniel relaxed a little.

“Yeah. I found out a few days ago…but I haven’t told mom yet. Or dad.” Ben nodded faintly. “Tell me?” he suggested, and Dan whined softly, nodding.

“It’s lymphoma. Hodgkin’s,” he said with a shrug. “I guess it’s treatable and mostly curable, too. But its still cancer, Ben! And it’s scary. And I have to have chemo…” Ben nodded faintly, stilling his hand and simply hugging him tightly. Daniel started crying all over and Ben sighed, closing his eyes.

 After a while, Daniel shuddered and snuggled closer. “Ben? I’m sorry. I know you probably hate me and you didn’t even want to come here today and Eli probably told you not to but… thank you. I’m sorry I’ve been such an ass to you. I don’t even know why you came,” he murmured.

Ben could feel him shivering and he ran his hand down his back to try and warm him. “Daniel, I could never hate you,” he said quietly. “And neither does Eli. If he didn’t want me to come here today, it would have been because I was going without him in a cab, not because he wanted to keep us apart. It’s okay, alright? We’re okay, Danny. I certainly do not hate you.”

Daniel nodded faintly, tears welling in his eyes as he sat up and looked Ben in the eyes. Ben moved his hand to wipe his tears away but Daniel shook his head, caught his hand and gave it a squeeze. “I’m tired, Ben. Can I sleep? Will you stay here?” he asked.

Ben nodded. “Yeah, kiddo. I’ll stay with you,” he promised, standing up. Dan stood with him, shaking his head. “I’m just gonna sleep here, Ben. I didn’t change my sheets,” he said, and Ben looked at him, confused.

“I don’t know. I have night sweats and fevers and I always wake up and my sheets are soaked. But I didn’t change them today, Ben, I’ll just sleep here.” Ben steered him in the direction of the bathroom.

“Get yourself cleaned up, Dan. I’m gonna make your bed.” Daniel opened his mouth to protest but when Ben stood, pointing in the direction of the bathroom, Dan obeyed. Ben changed the bed to clean sheets, set the quilts on it comfortably and went about cleaning up.

He called Eli to tell him the code to get in when he came to get him and tidied the apartment while Daniel napped. He’d been about to go do laundry when Dan padded into the living room, face damp with tears, in his pajamas and Ben set the laundry down and folded him back in his arms. In some ways, he was just like Eli.

“I’m sick, Ben. I don’t feel good,” he said, and Ben felt his forehead. 

“You’re warm, Danny. Get back to bed, okay?”

Daniel pouted. “But I’m sick, Ben. I don’t feel good.” Ben ushered him back to bed and Daniel whined and pouted until Ben lay down beside him. His brother curled up facing him, his forehead to Ben’s shoulder.

After a while, Daniel coughed and sniffled. “Ben?” he said, voice very quiet. Ben frowned. “Yeah?”

“Ben, will you come with me when I go in for treatments?” he asked quietly. Ben smiled faintly, quiet for a few moments. Dan took it the wrong way. “You don’t hafta, Ben, never mind. I’ll go by myself. I’m sorry, you work and you’ve got Eli and I shouldn’t have asked,” he sniffled.

Ben turned on his side to face Daniel. “No, kiddo! Of course I’ll go with you. Daniel, of course I’ll go with you.” He smiled at him and Daniel looked up with a pout. Ben chuckled softly, ruffling his hair.

“Don’t be silly, Dan. I’m your big brother. I’m supposed to take care of you,” he said, and Daniel closed his eyes, smiling a little as he tucked his head against Ben’s chest. Ben listened to his breathing evening out and he smiled, sighing softly.

…

            Ben wasn’t answering his cell phone, so when Eli came to pick him up, he simply buzzed himself in and took the elevator up. The door to the apartment was unlocked and he let himself in. He noted the basket of laundry and wondered who had been the one to do that, Dan or Ben. He moved around the apartment, spotting Ben’s cell phone on the coffee table.

            He moved to the bedroom and smiled to himself at the sight. Both men were facing each other, Daniel tucked against Ben’s chest, Ben’s chin hooked on the top of Dan’s head. Daniel was clinging to Ben, one hand in his, the other tangled in his shirt. They were asleep, and Eli didn’t have the heart to wake Ben yet.

            He left them there and went to finish the laundry.